To Be Or Not To Be
by VL24
Summary: Are they meant to be? Fletch/Tess relationship. Tess/Zoe friendship.
1. Over

**To Be Or Not To Be**

_Characters belong to Casualty. A series of short chapters from my imagination after watching BBC previews._

**Over**

Tess could hear the words echo inside her head as Fletch said them; 'You do know that I love you right?' She could not answer straight away. She had told him it was over, she did not want to see him anymore, but he had dropped this revelation on her in response. 'No you don't.' she answered.  
'I do.' he said passionately, and she could see the desperation in his eyes, but she would not be weak. She shook her head and walked away, hurting but knowing in her heart that she was doing the right thing - just like terminating the pregnancy; it hurt her, but it was right. She had not told Fletch about the termination and she knew she never wanted to; what good would it do to cause him more pain for something that would never be? She felt her heart ache, her grief still darkening her soul as she thought about the life that would never be, the life she had created and extinguished. She felt her panic rising as the grief threatened to overcome her again and she rushed towards her sanctuary - the chapel. She made her way to the front row of wooden seats, looking up at the crucifix as tears swam in her eyes. She sat down and withdrew her rosary from her pocket, running her fingers over the beads as she prayed for forgiveness and prayed for the child she hoped was now in God's loving arms.

She had no idea how long she sat there begging for her soul, but soon heard the door open and turned to see Zoe who approached and sat beside her. 'Hey...' Zoe started. '...You can go home if this is too much for you.' she said kindly.  
'No. I'm okay. I just needed some time alone.' Tess said.  
'You don't have to punish yourself.'  
'I know it was the right thing to do, but...' Tess could not finish her sentence as she looked at the crucifix again. 'Tess, don't ever think you'll be punished for this. I'm not religious, but religion is about love and forgiveness. You did what was right for you and you've punished yourself enough. Now you need to forgive yourself and try and move on.' Zoe said.  
'I know. I've told the...' Tess stopped. She could not say the word "father" when talking about Fletch anymore because there was nothing to be a father of. '...I told him I don't want to see him anymore.' she finished. 'And how did he react?' Zoe asked.  
'By telling me he loved me.' Tess said and Zoe raised her eyebrows.  
'And how do you feel?' Zoe asked her.  
'Confused, but I know I can't give in again. That's how I ended up in this mess in the first place. It's over for good!' she said. Zoe put her arm around Tess.

When Tess left work later that evening, Fletch ran up behind her. 'Tess...' he said, but she did not turn to face him. '...Fletch, go home.' she said sternly. He ran in front of her, stopping her in her tracks. 'We have to talk.' he said.  
'No we don't.'  
'I don't understand. I go on holiday and when I come back you suddenly say it's over. What's happened?' he asked, his desperation emphasised in every syllable.  
'I had time to think and decided it has to end before anyone else gets hurt.' she said.  
'But-'  
'There's no buts. You're married with three kids. Your family is your responsibility, not me. It was nice while it lasted-'  
'Nice?' he interjected.  
'But it's over. Now you're just my colleague.' she said and started to walk away.  
'You'll always be more than a colleague to me and you know I'll always be more to you.' Fletch said. Tess stopped at his words, but she had made a promise to herself and she would keep it. She quickly walked away, leaving him watching her, his own grief now filling his heart.


	2. Jealousy

**Jealousy**

The staff of the E.D were partying at the pub. Fletch propped up the bar with a pint in his hand and was watching Zoe and Tess talking across the room. He watched as a man approached them, Zoe quickly walking away as the man started chatting to Tess. He could see her smile, see that laugh that made her eyes sparkle and remembered sadly how he used to make her laugh like that. As he watched the man whisper something into Tess' ear he slammed his glass down and stormed from the pub. He didn't want to go home yet, but he couldn't face watching Tess with another man. He walked the streets re-living his time with Tess and silently questioning for the millionth time why she had abruptly ended everything between them.

The next day, Fletch woke from his unsettled slumber on the sofa where he had spent most of the night drinking cans back to back. He had been thinking about Tess and that man all night, mentally beating himself up over what could have happened between them. He headed for a shower just as he heard movement coming from his bedroom. Things with Natalie had been getting steadily worse because now he had nothing making him happy. He was only sticking around for the kids, but he knew his marriage had been over for a long time. He wasn't in love with her anymore and hadn't been for a while. He was in love with someone else, someone he had never expected to fall for. Tess was tough and she was stubborn, and he knew as he stepped beneath the hot water of the shower that it would be harder than ever to win her back. She had only given in to his initial persistent advances because her life had been threatened and he never wanted her to be at risk again. He remembered the fear he had felt that day, he had been so worried about her and had wanted to protect her. He still wanted to protect her. As he left the house to go to work he decided he had to know what had happened, he was going to confront Tess and find out.

He had many missed chances, but at last managed to corner her. 'Tess...' he said, taking her arm. Tess pulled her arm away from him. '...so you've moved on have you?' he demanded.  
'Excuse me?'  
'I saw you with that other bloke in the pub.'  
'That's none of your business!' Tess replied angrily.  
'Yes it is 'cause I love you and whatever you say I know you love me too.' Fletch replied passionately.  
'Fletch...'  
'Did you sleep with him?' Fletch asked her.  
'That's not your concern.'  
'How do you think I felt seeing you with another man?'  
'This isn't the time or the place.' Tess said forcefully.  
'Well when and where 'cause you spend all your time avoiding me.' he said, but Tess remained silent. He moved closer to her. 'Tell me what I did wrong?' he pleaded. Tess looked up at him, at his sad brown eyes as her own started to fill with tears. 'Tess...' he started as he took her hand, but she pulled away and walked off. Fletch turned to see Zoe watching him, a frown creasing her brow. He walked away, heading outside to calm himself.

Zoe found Tess in the ladies and saw her hastily wipe her tears away. Zoe approached her friend, looking at here sympathetically. 'Tess...' she started.  
'I'm fine.' Tess lied.  
'Why didn't you tell me?' Zoe asked.  
'What?'  
'It makes sense now, why you didn't want to come back, why you and Fletch used to be inseparable, but now you can't bear to be near him...It's him. He's the father.'  
'There's nothing to be a father of.' Tess said, leaning against the counter. Zoe could see her still present grief and moved closer, covering Tess' hand with her own, offering her comfort. 'Tess, you can't go on beating yourself up like this.' she said, kindly.  
'How can I do anything else? This is all such a mess.'  
'Does he know about the termination?'  
'No.'  
'I should transfer him for this.'  
'No, Zoe-'  
'I nearly lost my best nurse because of his indiscretions. He played everyone for a fool.'  
'Zoe, it wasn't like that. He's not like that.'  
'Tess-' Zoe started, but they were interrupted by another nurse entering the room. They shared an awkward smile with the nurse. Once the nurse had entered a cubicle, Zoe looked at Tess. 'Do you fancy a drink after work?' Zoe asked her. Tess nodded. Zoe smiled kindly and gently squeezed Tess' hand before leaving.

Tess waited for Zoe at the bar in the pub across the road from the hospital. Her colleagues were drinking nearby and had asked her to join them, but she couldn't face it. She nursed a large glass of wine, her mobile phone in her hand as she waited for Zoe to finish with a patient and join her. Fletch entered the pub and his colleagues shouted for him to join them - the jokey life and soul of the party they had come to love. Tess turned to see him and he stared at her as he approached the bar. 'Pint of lager please mate.' he said to the barman and turned to Tess who was looking for a quick exit. He touched her arm. 'I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you earlier. I had no right.' he said.  
'No, you didn't.' Tess agreed.  
'Tess, I-' he started, but stopped talking as his pint was placed in front of him. 'Cheers.' he said to the barman before looking back at Tess. 'I _am_ sorry. I was jealous.' he said.  
'This has to stop. You're married and I'm free to do what I want and see who I want.'  
'And I'm supposed to just accept that?'  
'You don't have a choice.'  
'Tess-'  
'Sorry I'm late.' Zoe said, approaching Tess and interrupting Fletch. 'Tess, you get us a table and I'll get the drinks in.' she said. Tess was thankful to her friend for allowing her to escape. She couldn't face any more declarations of love from Fletch. It had been hard enough the first time to look at him and tell him she didn't feel the same when her heart was pounding against her chest, protesting against the rejection. She did love Fletch and that was why she had to get rid of their baby and why she had to walk away from him, from them, because she couldn't bear to hurt him by tearing his family apart. She had already taken one child from him, she wouldn't take him from his other children. Once Tess was out of earshot, Zoe looked coldly at Fletch. 'You need to stop this!' she said. Fletch was genuinely surprised. 'I don't know what-' he started, but Zoe interrupted him;  
'I know!' she said simply and Fletch looked over at Tess before Zoe stepped closer, blocking her from his view. 'She needed someone.' Zoe said, but lowered her voice before continuing. 'Just do your job and leave Tess alone. She's your boss, that's it. I don't want this thing tearing my department apart.' she said before taking the drinks from the barman and walking off to join Tess.


	3. Reprimand

**Reprimand**

Tess stood in front of Zoe's desk. 'This is why I wanted to leave.' Tess said.  
'Tess, this isn't like you. Why did you allow yourself to get involved with him in the first place?' Zoe asked. Tess didn't respond. 'Were you biased when you suggested him for the role of band six?' Zoe asked. 'No of course not. I'd never let my personal life interfere with that kind of decision.' Tess said. The door opened and Fletch entered. He knew what Zoe wanted as soon as he saw Tess and closed the door behind him, standing beside Tess and looking at Zoe. 'Right, you know why you're both here. I need my band six nurse and nursing manager to work together amicably. I can't have this kind of atmosphere in my department. This job is stressful enough as it is.' Zoe said. Fletch looked at Tess; he had no idea why she was so hateful towards him. He still had no idea what he had done to hurt her. All he had ever done was love her. He looked back at Zoe as she continued. 'We can't change what's happened, but I need you two to work together and if you can't then one of you will have to transfer.' she said. Fletch knew if someone had to go it would be him, Tess had too much history here. 'Prove that you can work together today. I'm not asking you to be the best of friends, just be professional and let your team see that you are a united front.' Zoe said and Fletch nodded. He didn't want to leave and he wanted things back to normal between him and Tess. He missed her, he missed their banter and playfulness that made the job that much easier. 'Fletch, you can go.' Zoe said and Fletch left, leaving Tess with Zoe. 'Zoe, I'm the senior member of staff, so I'm to blame. If you want me to go then I will.' Tess said before Zoe had a chance to speak.  
'Tess...' Zoe started as she stood up.  
'But I don't want the reason for me leaving to be made public. I killed my baby. I have to live with that for the rest of my life. That's punishment enough for what I've done.' Tess said. Zoe looked at her sadly. 'I don't want either of you to leave. I just want to see the old Tess back. Is that why you're angry with him, because of the baby?' Zoe asked. Tess didn't answer. She _was_ angry at Fletch; not for getting her pregnant, but for telling her he loved her after she had killed their baby. She had no idea how she would have behaved if he had told her before the termination, all she knew was that before he went away and told her not to call him, she had felt like just a casual fling to him and thought that if she told him about the baby, he would feel pressured to stand by her. Now she wasn't sure how he would have reacted and she was more confused and guilty than ever. Anger was a better way of handling this than grief. 'Tess, I promise this goes no further, but you two need to work together otherwise what happened won't stay secret; they'll figure out something has happened.' Zoe said. Tess knew she was right and ever the professional, she was determined to smother her feelings to get the job done and nodded her agreement.


	4. Two Timer

**Two-Timer**

Tess and Fletch had buried the hatchet; Tess was determined that things return to normal between them, or as close to normal as possible under the circumstances. Meanwhile, Fletch was trying to hide his own feelings to avoid any discomfort. He had missed Tess and knew he wanted her in his life even if it was just friendship she was offering. He could not deny he wanted more, he wanted her love, he wanted to wake every morning to her beside him, he wanted to hold her and give her everything she deserved, but he couldn't because Tess would always do the right thing even if it meant ignoring her feelings, wants and needs; and he knew she had feelings for him no matter how much she denied it.

Fletch entered Tess' office and placed a take away cup on her desk. 'Strong, white, no sugar.' he said. 'Thanks.' Tess said, a little taken aback.  
'You look like you could use it.' Fletch.  
'Thanks a bunch.' Tess said.  
'I didn't mean...'  
'I know. Is it busy out there?'  
'Fairly quiet to be honest, for once.' he said, but was the words were no sooner out of his mouth when they were interrupted by Louise knocking the door. 'Sorry, there's a patient on his way and Ash asked if you two could help in resus.' she said.  
'Spoke too soon.' Tess said with a smile as she stood and both she and Fletch made their way to resus.

As they exited resus after finishing with the patient, they were once more laughing together and Fletch loved to see Tess smiling again. They parted as Tess entered her office and Fletch approached reception to call his next patient.

Tess placed some files in the filing cabinet in her office and smiled as she looked at the take away coffee cup which now contained a cold coffee. She threw it in the bin as the door opened and Louise popped her head in. 'Sorry to bother you again. There's someone in reception asking for you.' Louise said. Tess followed Louise out of the office to reception only to come face-to-face with Natalie Fletcher. 'Tess...' Natalie said as she saw her. Tess quickly smiled, trying to hide her shock and feelings. 'Natalie...' she answered, shocked.  
'Sorry, I don't know anyone else here and I don't want Fletch to know I'm here.' Natalie said. Tess nodded her understanding and managed to sneak Natalie into a cubicle, closing the curtain around them. 'Are you okay?' Tess asked her.  
'I had a funny turn at work. I felt dizzy and nauseous. I haven't been able to keep anything down for days.' Natalie explained.  
'Okay, I'll order some blood tests, see if we can find out what's wrong for you.'  
'Thank you.'  
'No problem, I'll be back in a minute.' Tess said, her hand on the curtain.  
'Please don't tell Fletch I'm here. He'll only worry.' Natalie said. Tess nodded her agreement and left the cubicle pulling the curtain closed around the bed.

Tess was in for a shock as she received the results and looked through them. She located Fletch in a cubicle with a patient. 'Fletch, can I have a word?' she said.  
'Sure.' Fletch answered, smiling at the patient before leaving the cubicle and pulling the curtain closed. 'What is it?' Fletch asked.  
'Your wife is here.' Tess said.  
'Oh, sorry...'  
'No, she's in a cubicle.' Tess interrupted. 'I've just got her bloods back and you should be with her.' she said. Fletch frowned as he followed Tess back to the cubicle and they both entered. Natalie was taken aback to see her husband. 'Natalie, I have your results back and I think Fletch should be here with you.' Tess said as she pulled the curtain closed. Fletch stood beside his wife as she clutched his hand. 'Why, what's wrong?' Natalie asked worried.  
'Nothing. Your results show that you're...you're pregnant.' Tess said, avoiding looking at Fletch.  
'Pregnant?' Natalie asked.  
'Yes. Everything else looks fine so I'll sort out your discharge forms and you should arrange to see your GP.' Tess said. Fletch was gobsmacked as he stood staring at Tess. 'Fletch, you stay with your wife. I'll take over your patient.' Tess said before quickly leaving the cubicle and closing the curtains. Her heart was racing and she tried to steady her breathing as panic threatened to overtake her. She quickly passed on the job of discharging Natalie to another nurse before attending to Fletch's patient.

Having seen Natalie into a taxi after she had been discharged, Fletch sat on the bench outside. Shocked was an understatement for how he felt. He had no idea how to take the news that he was going to be a dad again. All he could see was Tess' face and despite the fact that Natalie was his wife, he felt guilty for hurting Tess so much.

After administering medication to Fletch's patient, Tess looked around for Fletch, approaching Rita who was at the nurse's station. 'Rita, have you seen Fletch?' Tess asked her.  
'I think he was putting his wife in a taxi.' Rita said.  
'Can you tell him to sort out the discharge for his patient please?' Tess asked.  
'Sure.' Rita said.  
'Thanks.' Tess said before heading towards her office. She had to get out of there, she could think about nothing but a large glass of wine and collapsing into bed. She managed to escape without running into Fletch and sat in her car for a few minutes as she thought about the news she had given her ex. Not long ago she had been considering how to break the news to him that she was expecting his baby and now he was having a baby with his wife and she had nothing; she had killed her child. She wiped her tears away before driving towards home.

Back in E.D, Rita was calling for help and soon she, Fletch, Zoe and Ash were rushing Fletch's now critical patient towards resus.

Tess entered her house, closing her door and switching on the light. She leant against the door and her tears flowed in earnest, the emotions of the day catching up with her. Knowing that Fletch had been sleeping with both her and his wife hurt her; he had made her believe that his marriage was over, that there was little intimacy left and his children were his only reason for staying.

Back in resus at Holby E.D, the patient was stabilised and wheeled out as Zoe looked at Fletch. 'The wrong medication. How did that happen?' she asked. Fletch paused, thinking about Tess. She had taken over, but... 'It was my fault.' he said.  
'Fletch how could you be so stupid? I want a report by morning!' she said angrily before storming from the room, her heels clicking quickly against the floor and fading as Fletch looked around the room. This was his fault; maybe not directly, but it was his fault that Tess had been distracted. She would never make a mistake, but the news of Natalie's pregnancy had hurt her and that was why she had made the mistake, and he would take the responsibility for it. He would not let Tess suffer any more than she already was.


	5. The Storm Followed By The Storm

**The Storm Followed By The Storm**

Tess opened the door to see Fletch standing on her doorstep. 'Big day.' he said simply.  
'I'm so sorry.' Tess said, genuinely.  
'Don't be. We're doing the right thing.'  
'Are we?' Tess asked uncertainly.  
'Of course we are.'  
'I'm not so sure.' Tess said, tears filling her eyes as she quickly turned away and walked the length of her hall into her kitchen. Fletch entered the house and closed the front door following Tess' path to the kitchen and watching her getting worked up as she cleaned the kitchen. 'I'll never forgive myself if you lose your job.' she said angrily as she dumped some dead flowers from a vase into her bin.  
'I won't.' Fletch said with certainty as Tess turned to him.  
'You might and it's my fault.'  
'Tess, we've been through this. It was fraud, you said so yourself.'  
'Fletch, I-' Tess started but she was suddenly overcome with dizziness and leant on her table top.  
'Tess...' Fletch said, concerned and put his arm around her, pulling a chair out and helping her to sit down. 'I'll get you some water.' he said and grabbed a glass from the side, approaching the sink. As he filled the glass he turned to look at Tess.

Charlie placed a file on the reception desk and looked up as his name was called. He looked up, shocked to see Fletch supporting Tess as he approached. 'She's not well.' Fletch said, ignoring the stares. 'Fletch, I'm fine.' Tess said.  
'No you're not.' Fletch answered.  
'Come on, through to cubicles.' Charlie said and Fletch continued to hold Tess as he followed Charlie.

After changing into his scrubs, Fletch retrieved Tess' file from reception and was reading it as he returned to cubicles. He stopped in his tracks as he read. She couldn't be, could she? He closed the file and approached Tess' cubicle. Zoe was with her and Fletch handed the file over. 'Thanks.' Zoe said. Fletch watched Tess and Zoe observed him. 'Fletch we could do with some privacy.' Zoe said and Fletch reluctantly left the cubicle. 'Thanks.' Tess said to Zoe.  
'I thought you were keeping your distance.' Zoe said.  
'It's not what it seems. He wanted to talk to me about the tribunal and what to expect.' Tess explained, but Zoe watched her, trying to catch a lie. 'So is it menopause this time?' Tess asked.  
'I don't think so.'  
'Then what?'  
'I'll do some tests and we'll find out.' Zoe said kindly.

Fletch tried to catch a word with Tess at several points before his tribunal, but they were constantly interrupted. He had to know the truth though whatever the result of the tribunal.

He was making his way to the tribunal when Tess came up beside him. 'Good luck.' she said.  
'Thanks.' he said. He could see Tess continuing to worry and smiled confidently at her. 'I'll be fine.' he said as she left through one door and he headed along the corridor. Despite what he had told Tess he was worried he would lose his job and then what would happen to him, to his kids? However, he didn't regret his actions for a second. If his last act in Holby City was to save Tess then so be it; she was an amazing nurse, an amazing person and he counted himself lucky for having known her and for having loved her. He would accept his fate for her and then show his commitment to her.

Tess worried continuously about Fletch and headed to the canteen to take a break alone with her thoughts. She hated that Fletch was sacrificing himself for her, she had never wanted him to do that. She thought that by telling him she didn't have feelings for him that he would just go back to Natalie and forget about them, but he was refusing to let go. She listened to the kettle boiling as she thought of this new secret she and Fletch now shared. The door opened behind her and she turned to see Fletch enter. He closed the door and approached her as she attempted to understand the meaning behind his unreadable expression. He smiled widely. 'It's okay. They didn't sack me.' he said. 'What happened?' Tess asked.  
'It'll be marked on my file, but they said because I realised my mistake it's just an official warning. We're in the clear.' he said and attempted to put his arms around Tess, but she pulled back.  
'No.' she said.  
'Tess don't push me away any more, not after everything. I know!' he said, looking at her.  
'What?' she asked confused.  
'I know why you were distracted that day...' he said and placed his hand on Tess' stomach. '...You're having my baby.' he said.  
'Fletch, I-' Tess started, but he interrupted her.  
'No wonder you struggled to deal with Nat. Why didn't you tell me? I know it wasn't planned, but we'll make it work.'  
'Fletch, please-'  
'I'll look after you and the baby.'  
'Fletch, there is no baby.' Tess said.  
'But I saw your file, the test results.' he said, confused.  
'The baby's dead.' Tess said sadly.  
'Did you miscarry?' he asked, touching her arm, but she pulled her arm away.  
'While you were away I had a termination.' Tess confessed, finally relieving herself of her secret.  
'What? You couldn't have, you wouldn't have.'  
'I've done a lot of things recently that I didn't think I'd ever do.' Tess said simply.  
'You were never going to tell me, were you?' he asked her sadly.  
'There was no point. I made the right decision.'  
'How can you say that? It was our baby. You should have talked to me.'  
'You don't want any more kids, you said so yourself.' Tess said and suddenly Fletch felt sick at his words and how they must have affected Tess, cutting as deep as a knife. 'Fletch, I'm glad you didn't lose your job and I meant what I said this morning, but it's over now. You've got a baby on the way and we need to put what happened behind us.' She said.  
'So you're just going to ignore everything we've been through?'  
'You're married! We were a mistake and now we've both paid the price.' Tess said and started to walk away. 'Tess...' Fletch said, stopping her in her tracks. She turned to look at him. '...What I said about not wanting any more children...'  
'Fletch-'  
'Let me finish please.' he said and approached her, looking down into her deep brown eyes brimming with the tears of her grief as his eyes filled with tears also. 'I don't want any more children with Natalie, but I would've been proud to have a child with you.' he said.  
'Fletch...' Tess started, but Fletch kissed her head, both unaware of Jamie spotting them as he opened the far door. Tess pulled away and quickly left through the nearest door. 'Tess...' Fletch said as she left. Fletch collapsed into the nearest chair and stared ahead. Tess had been hurting the whole time and now he knew why. He felt sick as he thought of the pain she had suffered in silence. He then thought of the life they had created. He knew why Tess had ended the pregnancy and he didn't blame her, he blamed himself. He had always shown Tess how much she meant to him, but he had left it too late to tell her that he loved her. If he had said the words sooner then maybe they would be preparing to welcome their child into the world. Everything was a mess; Natalie was pregnant with a baby he wasn't sure he wanted and Tess had aborted a baby he knew he would've been devoted to. He realised in that moment why he was so confused; he didn't want a baby with Natalie because he didn't love her anymore.


	6. You Can't Miss What You Never Had

**You Can't Miss What You Never Had**

Tess returned to the hospital having taken a few days off sick since breaking the news to Fletch about the abortion. She had tried to spare him the pain, but he now knew about the termination and he was hurt. As she approached the hospital she tried to rid her mind of the thoughts tumbling around her head, thoughts that had been keeping her awake. She was so confused. Fletch had told her himself that he didn't want any more children, so shouldn't he be relieved that she had terminated the pregnancy? As she passed a bench she heard a sound that made her heart ache; she had been hearing that sound in her sleep ever since she had killed her child. She looked around and then noticed a box beneath the bench. She knelt down and gently pulled the box out. Upon opening the box she saw a small baby, blood still covering its tiny body and bubble wrap and towels surrounded it. She picked up the baby and rushed into the hospital. Fletch watched her in shock as she ran past reception and ran after her. Tess saw Zoe as she rushed towards resus. 'Tess, what-' Zoe started. 'I found her outside.' Tess said. Tess entered paediatric resus; Zoe and Fletch following and she laid the baby down on the bed. Zoe placed her stethoscope in her ears and moved the diaphragm along the baby's ribs. 'She's struggling to breathe on her own.' Zoe said. Tess placed her coat and bag on the side and grabbed an ear thermometer. She turned and moved towards the bed, taking the baby's temperature. She looked at the reading. 'It's low.' she said to Zoe.  
'Tess, are you okay?'  
'She's only a few hours old.' Tess said sadly.  
'Tess, go and get changed and put everyone on alert; the mother will be in desperate need of medical attention.' Zoe said. Tess grabbed her things and quickly left the room, Fletch watching her. He hadn't spoken to her since finding out about the abortion. He felt guilty, but he was also angry that she had gone through with a termination without telling him anything. After all, it had been his baby too. 'Fletch, are you okay?' Zoe asked. Fletch looked around; he had forgotten where he was for a second. 'I'm fine.' he said and began to help her.

After informing the paramedics and reception about the possible admission of a woman who had just delivered, Tess returned to the room carrying foil blankets. 'The paramedics and reception are on alert.' she said as she approached the bed. She helped Zoe to wrap the baby up. Fletch watched Tess closely as she tended the baby before quickly leaving the room, causing both Zoe and Tess to look up. Tess quickly returned her attention to the baby. 'Is everything okay?' Zoe asked her friend. Tess sighed heavily and looked up at Zoe. 'He knows.' she said.  
'Oh. And he's taking it well.'  
'Despite telling me he didn't want kids, he was upset and now he's angry and hates me.'  
'Tess, I'm sure that's not true.'  
'It is.' Tess said, but she was quickly distracted by the baby. 'Zoe...' she said.  
'Start heart massage. I'll chase up the neo-natal team.' Zoe said and quickly rushed to the phone.  
'Come on sweetheart.' Tess said, pleading for the baby to respond to her efforts. As Zoe replaced the receiver of the phone the door opened and Fletch re-appeared. He looked at Tess and watched for a moment at her attempts to save the child. 'Fletch...' Zoe said, breaking him out of his reverie.  
'Sorry. The paramedics are bringing in a girl; looks like it's the mother. She's losing a lot of blood.' he said. He approached the bed and looked at Tess gently pumping the baby's chest. Tess pulled back as Zoe checked the baby's heart. She shook her head and Tess started heart massage again. They heard the paramedics speeding past the room with the mother. 'Fletch, you should go and help with the mother.' Zoe said.  
'You need me here.' Fletch said, not taking his eyes off the baby. Suddenly the baby let out a delicate cry and Tess pulled back, Fletch seeing the tears in her eyes as Zoe checked the baby's heart. 'Normal and strong.' she said, hanging the stethoscope back around her neck. She saw Tess' heartache in her eyes. 'Fletch, can you please go and help with the mother?' Zoe asked more firmly. Fletch reluctantly left the room. 'Tess...' Zoe said, approaching her.  
'I'm fine, Zoe, really.' Tess said. Zoe was prevented from responding as the neo-natal team appeared.

Later, Fletch caught up with Tess in reception. 'How's the baby?' he asked her.  
'Signs indicate there's no permanent damage. And the mother?' Tess asked.  
'Stable.' he said simply.  
'Did she say why she abandoned the baby?'  
'You should understand that one. She didn't want it.' Fletch said coldly and Tess stormed off, passing Zoe who had heard Fletch's comment.

Zoe was leant against her desk as Fletch closed the office to her door and turned to face her. 'You found out about the baby!' she said simply and Fletch frowned as he looked at her. 'I gave her the news she was pregnant.' Zoe explained.  
'And did you know she had an abortion?'  
'Yes.'  
'Yet no one thought to tell me.'  
'You know I couldn't break confidentiality. It was Tess' decision.'  
'And I have no say at all? I'm...I was the baby's father.'  
'It wasn't easy for her.'  
'No? It seems she found it really easy.'  
'Will you stop thinking about yourself for just a moment?' Zoe said angrily. 'It broke her heart to go through with that termination.'  
'Then why did she do it?'  
'I think even you can work that one out, Fletch. She was trying to protect you.'  
'By killing my child?'  
'She didn't want to break up your family. She didn't want you to get hurt and she didn't want to take you away from the children you already have.' Zoe explained.  
'She should've told me.'  
'Maybe, but nothing you do can change what's happened. Do you really think treating her like you did in reception will make either of you feel better?' Zoe asked. Fletch avoided her eyes, his feelings of guilt now obvious. 'Tess wanted to leave after the abortion...' Zoe said, causing Fletch to look up. '...I managed to convince her to stay. You're not the only one who's grieving, but at least you've got your other children, your wife and another baby on the way, Tess has nothing but this grief and guilt that she's carrying around because she was trying to protect you.' Zoe said and succeeded in making Fletch feel terrible for his treatment of Tess.

After work Fletch visited Tess' house, but despite his efforts she refused to open the door and instead he phoned her.

Tess heard the buzzing of her phone against the bedside cabinet as she lay in bed, a tissue clutched in her fist as tears flowed from her eyes. After the buzzing had stopped, she picked up the phone to see she had a voicemail and put the phone to her ear. Her tears flowed more heavily as she listened to Fletch's message; _Tess, I'm so sorry. I was selfish. I know you did what you did to protect me and I'm sorry you felt you had to put yourself through that. I don't want to hurt you, Tess. I never wanted to hurt you. I am so sorry. You know I love you; that hasn't changed and never will. I'll give you some space, I just want you to know how sorry I am and how much you mean to me._


	7. Guardian Angel

**Guardian Angel**

Fletch entered his living room where Ella was lying on the sofa, her blanket wrapped around her. 'How are you feeling sweetheart?' he asked as he touched her head. There was no response. 'Ella...' Fletch said and he heard a moan come from her as he tried to rouse her. He checked her pulse before quickly lifting her into his arms.

Fletch's car sped to a halt in a parking space close to the doors of Holby A&E and he jumped out, quickly opening the back door and lifting his daughter out. He kicked the door closed and rushed towards the hospital.

He ran through the doors and up to reception. 'Louise...' he said loudly, pushing his way through other patients to the reception. 'Oi, mate, there's a queue.' a patient with a towel wrapped around his bloodied hand said. Fletch spotted Tess walking towards reception. He rushed up to her. 'Tess, it's Ella...' he said desperately.  
'Paed's resus.' Tess said. Fletch rushed down the corridor. 'Louise, page Tom.' Tess said before following Fletch. She rushed through the doors of the paediatric resuscitation room as Fletch lay Ella on the bed. Tess quickly approached as Fletch looked closely at Ella's arm, noticing a red patch on her skin. He showed Tess. 'Meningitis.' he said to her, fear in his eyes. Tom and Rita entered the room and approached the bed. 'This is Ella, ten years old, high fever and a rash.' Tess informed them. Tom placed his stethoscope in his ears and moved the diaphragm along her ribs. 'She's tachycardic.' Tom said. 'Tess, FBC's please. Fletch, you should wait outside.' Tom said.  
'I'm staying.' Fletch said.  
'Maybe you should try calling Natalie.' Tess said. Fletch nodded, kissed Ella's head and reluctantly left the room. Tess gently lifted Ella's head and placed an oxygen mask over her mouth and nose. 'There you go, sweetheart.' she said kindly.  
'IV fluids please Tess.' Tom said. Tess nodded and approached the medicine cupboard.

Outside, Fletch watched anxiously through the window of the door, his mobile phone to his ear. 'Natalie, please call me when you get this. It's Ella; she's really ill. We're in A&E.' he said desperately. Rita approached him. 'Fletch...' she said and he turned to look at her. '...maybe you should wait in the relatives' room.' she said.  
'I'm not leaving her.' Fletch said and watched through the window as Tess hung the IV bag up and stroked Ella's head. Tess looked up, her eyes meeting Fletch's through the window. Rita placed her hand on Fletch's arm, offering comfort.

Inside resus, Ella became jerky and pulled off her oxygen mask. Tess quickly helped her lean forward, placing a cardboard emesis pan beneath her and rubbing her back as she vomited. 'Daddy...' Ella managed to say weakly before vomiting again. Tom opened the door and Fletch rushed in, quickly approaching Ella and Tess, standing opposite Tess, his hand stroking through Ella's hair. 'Okay darlin', Daddy's here.' he said. Ella had barely taken a breath before she was vomiting again.  
'Rita, can you set up another IV for anti-sickness medication?' Tom asked. Rita nodding, quickly arranging the medication and gently inserted another cannula as Ella sobbed, continuing to vomit. 'When did she eat last?' Tom asked Fletch.  
'Over twenty-four hours ago. She felt too sick to eat.' Fletch said. He returned his attention to Ella who was sobbing. 'It's okay sweetheart, we're giving you something to help you feel better.' Tess said kindly, her hand continuing to rub Ella's back. 'Okay, that should kick in soon.' Rita said. Rita passed Tess an ear thermometer. 'Ella sweetheart, I just need to take your temperature, okay?' Tess said kindly and Ella nodded. Tess placed the thermometer in her ear. Fletch watched her nervously. She removed the thermometer and looked up at Tom. 'A hundred and two.' Tess said.  
'Rita can you call Big Mac and get some fans in here? Tess, paracetamol and ibuprofen.' Tom said. Tess nodded and approached the air conditioning controls, quickly turning it up before taking medication from the cabinet. Fletch removed Ella's socks. 'Tom...' he said. Tom approached and saw an angry red rash on the soles of Ella's feet. Tess approached and started administering the medication. Fans were wheeled into the room by Rita and Big Mac, plugged in and set on full-blast at the foot of Ella's bed. Noel opened the door. 'Fletch...' he said and Fletch looked up to see Natalie - her pregnancy now showing - who rushed towards him, flinging her arms around him. 'What's happened to her? I thought it was just the flu.' Natalie said and pulled away. Tess stepped out of the way as Natalie rushed to her daughter's side, Fletch with her. Natalie kissed Ella's head. 'What's wrong with her?' she asked, looking up at Tess; the one person here she knew.  
'We're waiting for results...' Tom said and Natalie looked up at him. '...All we can do at the moment is treat her symptoms and keep her comfortable.' he said. Ella started to hyperventilate and Tess re-adjusted the oxygen mask. 'What's happening?' Natalie asked.  
'Ella, try and breathe deeply.' Tess said. Tom was checking his tablet and looked over at Ella. He signalled with a tilt of his head for Tess to follow him. Rita took over and Natalie and Fletch watched as Tess left the room with Tom.

Outside, Tom passed the tablet to Tess. 'It's not meningitis.' Tom said.  
'So what is it?' Tess asked and handed the tablet back to Tom as the door opened and Fletch exited the room. 'What's going on?' he asked.  
'Fletch...' Tom started.  
'Tell me.'  
'It's not meningitis.' Tom said.  
'That's good then.' Fletch said.  
'But her results show she's hypoglycemic.'  
'Diabetes?'  
'FLETCH!' Natalie's horrified voice screamed. Fletch turned and quickly rushed back into the room followed by Tess and Tom who ran towards the bed whilst Rita held Ella as she shook with a seizure. Tess and Tom helped Rita to turn Ella on her side and she vomited on to the floor, catching Tess in the process. Ella soon jerked slowly into stillness, her breathing hitching. 'Tess, go and get cleaned up quickly, Rita, another litre of saline.' Tom said and Tess left the room as Rita put up another IV bag. 'Fletch, you should both wait outside.' Tom said.  
'We can't leave her.' Natalie said. Ella started to hyperventilate again and Rita held her oxygen mask on. 'It's not helping.' Rita said as Ella became more panicky.  
'We'll have to intubate.' Tom said. 'Fletch, you really need to leave. You can't be in here whilst we do this.' Tom said, firmly. Fletch reluctantly left the room, pulling Natalie along with him.

In her office, Tess - now in clean scrubs - placed her dirty scrubs into a bag, but suddenly stopped what she was doing. She quickly rushed from the room and back to resus. 'Tess...' Fletch said as she rushed past him and Natalie and through the doors. 'I know what's wrong with her.' Tess said as Rita and Tom finished intubating. Tom looked up at her.

Tom was sat opposite Fletch and Natalie in the relatives' room. 'Reye's Syndrome. What's that?' Natalie asked. 'It's a rare metabolic disease.' Tom answered.  
'How did she get it?'  
'No one knows the cause, but some suggest it's caused by giving the child aspirin.'  
'Is she going to be okay?'  
'I won't lie to you; Reye's is extremely serious and can be fatal...'  
'Oh God.' Natalie said, tears flowing from her eyes as Fletch clutched her hand.  
'We will need to send her up to ICU and it will be touch and go, but thanks to Sister Bateman we've caught it in the early stages and it's easier to treat.' Tom explained.  
'Can I stay with her?' Natalie asked.  
'Of course.' Tom said kindly. The door opened and Rita entered.  
'The transfer to ICU is here.' she said.

Natalie and Fletch walked up the corridor as Ella was wheeled out of the resuscitation room, Tess by her side. Natalie approached her daughter and held her hand. Tess re-entered the resuscitation room and looked around at the mess. 'Tess...' she turned to see Fletch.  
'Fletch you should be with your family.' she said.  
'I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done.'  
'I was just doing my job.' Tess said. Fletch approached Tess, but the door opened and they looked around. 'Fletch, Natalie's asking for you.' Rita said. Fletch looked back at Tess and reluctantly left.

Later, Tess sat at her desk doing paperwork and looked up as the door opened and Fletch entered, closing the door. 'How's Ella?' she asked him.  
'Signs are good. They'll know more in a few days, but there's no signs of brain swelling and she's stable.' he said.  
'Good.' Tess said genuinely. Fletch approached her and leant on the desk next to her seat.  
'Tom told me...if it weren't for you, she'd be dead.' Fletch said and covered Tess' hand with his own. Tess pulled her hand away and stood up, backing away from him as he also stood. 'Like I said; I was just doing my job.' Tess said. Fletch moved closer to her.  
'Tess, you're incredible.' he said.  
'Fletch, don't-'  
'After everything I did-'  
'It doesn't matter.'  
'It does to me. You saved my daughter's life. You're an angel.' he said and attempted to touch her, but she moved out of the way. 'I'm glad Ella's okay, but that doesn't change anything. You have a family who need you and a baby on the way. We're over.' she said and quickly left the room.


	8. Uncomfortable Situations

**Uncomfortable Situations**

Fletch returned to work after a couple of weeks, walking through fine flakes of falling snow and entering Holby A&E carrying a bouquet of flowers. 'Aaaw mate you shouldn't have.' Noel said as he saw him. Jamie approached. 'They're not for you. Where's Tess?' Fletch asked. Jamie looked at him knowingly; he had not yet confronted Fletch about what he had seen in the staff room. 'In her office.' Noel said and Fletch nodded before heading towards Tess' office.  
'Fletch...' Jamie called and Fletch stopped in his tracks.  
'You alright mate?' he asked.  
'Fine. How's your daughter?' Jamie asked.  
'A lot better, thanks.'  
'Look...' Jamie said, lowering his voice. '...Can we talk?'  
'Is something wrong?'  
'Not here. After work?'  
'Sure.' Fletch said, confused. 'I'll catch up with you later mate.' Fletch said before walking off. Jamie watched him and then headed back to cubicles.

Tess closed her filing cabinet as the door opened and she saw Fletch enter with the flowers. He closed the door over. 'Welcome back.' Tess said. Fletch placed the flowers on Tess' desk.  
'These are for you.' he said.  
'Fletch, we've been through this.' Tess said.  
'They're not from me. Not directly anyway.' Fletch said. Tess approached her desk and took the card off the flowers, opening it and reading it. 'From Natalie...' she said with resignation.  
'She felt you deserved a proper thank you for saving Ella.' Fletch explained.  
'There was no need. I just did my job.'  
'So you've said, but you realised what was wrong with her in enough time to save her. We can never thank you enough. _I _can never thank you enough.' Fletch said. The door opened and Zoe appeared, looking between the pair. 'I'll leave you in peace.' Fletch said to Tess and left the office, passing Zoe who looked at the flowers then up at Tess. 'They're from Natalie.' Tess explained. Zoe closed the door and approached Tess. 'You did an extraordinary thing for them, but don't let it pull you back in.' she said. 'I don't intend to. I'm not letting anything happen between us again.'  
'You're strong. You'll get through this.' Zoe said. Tess nodded and Zoe gave her a hug.

Tess felt uneasy as Fletch kept watching her throughout their shift and even more so when they ended up treating a patient together. Fletch was attempting to entertain the patient with his wordplay. 'Is he always like this?' the young woman asked Tess as she wrapped a sling around her arm. 'Worse.' Tess said, smiling.  
'Oi, I'm not that bad.' Fletch said with a smile.  
'I'd stick to being a nurse if I were you.' the woman said.  
'You're safe with him there.' Tess said and her eyes briefly met Fletch's.  
'Good, 'cause his jokes could kill.' the woman said and Tess laughed.  
'I don't have to listen to this abuse.' Fletch said with a cheeky grin.  
'You can go and organise an x-ray then.' Tess said with a smile, handing over the file and Fletch obeyed, leaving the cubicle and pulling the curtain back around them. Tess felt like a huge weight had been lifted; they were back to teasing each other just like old times.

This weightless feeling didn't last though as Tess was heading out of A&E at the end of her shift only to be met by Natalie who was standing with Fletch. 'Tess...' Natalie said and Tess had no choice but to approach her. 'Thank you for the flowers.' Tess said.  
'It was a pleasure. We owe you more than we can ever repay. What you did...you're remarkable, right Fletch?' Natalie said, looking at Fletch. Fletch looked at Tess, both of them uncomfortable.  
'Yeah.' Fletch agreed.  
'I was wondering if you would join us for dinner so that we can say a proper thank you.'  
'Oh, I-' Tess started.  
'I don't think that's a good idea.' Fletch said.  
'Why not?' Natalie asked, looking between Fletch and Tess.  
'I'm just very busy.' Tess said.  
'We can fit it in with you. We'd really like you to come and Ella wants to meet you.' Natalie said.  
'Tess...' Zoe called and approached. '...are we getting that drink?'  
'Yeah.' Tess said. Zoe headed towards the doors, but as Tess turned Natalie took her hand causing her to look round. 'Tess, please think about it.' Natalie said. Tess had no choice but to nod before following Zoe's path out of the hospital. Natalie looked at Fletch. 'Are you coming straight home?' she asked. 'Yeah, just give me a minute.' he said as he spotted Jamie. He approached him, leaving Natalie waiting. Jamie looked at Natalie as Fletch reached him. 'Sorry, mate, you wanted to talk.' Fletch said. 'Yeah, but not here.' Jamie said and headed off, Fletch mouthing "I'll be right back" to Natalie before following.

Fletch followed Jamie into the gents and Jamie checked that it was empty before turning to Fletch. 'Is something wrong?' Fletch asked.  
'I don't know.' Jamie answered, causing Fletch to frown. 'Fletch, I don't really know how to say this, but I saw you and Tess the other week in the staff room.' Jamie finished, looking a little ashamed. Fletch frowned, attempting to remember what he was talking about. 'Jamie, you'll have to be more specific mate.' he said.  
'You kissed her.' Jamie said. Fletch knew in an instant that Jamie was talking about the day Tess had confessed to terminating their baby. 'Oh.' Fletch said.  
'I know it's none of my business, but you have a wife and a baby on the way and she's our boss.'  
'Jamie, you've got it all wrong mate. Tess and I, we're just good friends. She was upset and I was comforting her, that's all.'  
'Really?'  
'Of course. I care about her, of course I do, but I was just looking out for her.'  
'Sorry, it just looked like-'  
'It's okay.'  
'I feel awful. No hard feelings.'  
'Of course not.' Fletch said and Jamie offered his hand. Fletch smiled, took Jamie's hand and gave him a one armed manly hug.


	9. Chinese Water Torture

**Chinese Water Torture**

Natalie had asked Tess to dinner so many times that she eventually wore her down and Tess found herself standing on her ex lover's doorstep one evening holding some flowers and a bottle of wine. The door opened and Tess was face to face with Fletch. He stepped forward, pulling the door to behind him. 'Tess, I'm so sorry.' he said.  
'Let's just get through this.' Tess said with determination. Fletch was about to answer when the door opened behind him and Natalie appeared. 'Hi Tess. Fletch, don't leave her waiting in the cold.' Natalie said. She stepped back inside and Fletch held the door open for Tess who stepped through and handed the flowers and wine to Natalie. 'We're supposed to be thanking you.' Natalie said with a smile. 'Dinner's nearly ready. Fletch, take her coat.' Natalie said before heading towards the kitchen. Tess unbuttoned her coat and Fletch stood behind her placing his hands at her collar, his fingers brushing her neck and causing an involuntary shiver from her. 'Sorry.' Fletch said as he eased her coat down her arms and hung it up. Tess turned and saw a much healthier Ella standing on the stairs wrapped in a dressing gown and holding a piece of paper. Fletch looked up at his daughter. 'Ella, this is Tess.' Fletch said. Ella slowly descended the stairs, reaching Tess and her father. She handed Tess the paper and Tess looked at a drawing of a nurse in dark blue scrubs with angel wings and thank you written in glitter. 'It's beautiful.' Tess said, looking down at the young girl.  
'It's a picture of you.' Ella said. Tess lowered herself to Ella's level.  
'Thank you very much. I'll hang it up in my office.' she said. Ella smiled sweetly and shocked Tess by hugging her. Fletch smiled at the sight of his daughter hugging Tess and Tess holding her lovingly in return. Ella let Tess go and looked up at Fletch. 'Go up to bed, I'll be up to tuck you in soon.' he said. Ella obeyed and ran back up the stairs. 'She looks a lot better.' Tess observed.  
'Thanks to you.' Fletch said simply. He looked at the drawing Ella had given Tess. 'She's right...you are.' he said.  
'Fletch, not here.' Tess pleaded quietly. This experience was torture enough without Fletch making it more difficult.

Fletch sat between Tess and Natalie at the kitchen table, all of them silent and watched as Tess shuffled the food around her plate. 'So you've got two kids?' Natalie asked Tess, causing her to look up. 'Yeah, Sam and Saskia.' Tess answered simply.  
'And their father?'  
'Nat...' Fletch said with warning, trying to ease the pressure on Tess.  
'Sorry.' Natalie said to Tess.  
'It's okay. We're divorced. He met someone else.' Tess said.  
'I'm sorry.' Natalie said.  
'It's fine. It was a long time ago.' Tess said and returned her gaze to her plate.  
'Excuse me...bathroom.' Natalie said and rose from her chair before leaving the room. They heard Natalie's muffled footsteps as she ascended the stairs. 'Are you okay?' Fletch asked Tess.  
'Fine.' Tess said simply.  
'Here...' Fletch said and Tess looked up as he poured red wine into her glass and pushed it towards her. 'Thanks.' Tess said and picked up the glass, sipping the wine and feeling the alcohol coursing through her blood and easing her tension a little. 'This is hard for me too you know.' Fletch said. Tess looked up. 'This is your family.' she pointed out.  
'Yeah, but you're-'  
'Sorry, the perks of pregnancy; frequent toilet breaks.' Natalie said, re-entering the room and taking her seat. Fletch watched as Tess drank more of the wine. He could feel her pain as surely as if they were one and the same. 'Oh...' Natalie exclaimed and Tess looked up to see Natalie holding her stomach. She grabbed Fletch's hand and placed it beneath her own. 'Nat...' Fletch said and pulled his hand away. Natalie looked a little taken aback, but quickly turned her attention to Tess. 'Tess, are you okay?' she asked. Fletch looked at Tess also; all colour had drained from her.  
'I just feel a little faint.' Tess said.  
'Fletch maybe you should take her home.' Natalie suggested.  
'I'm so sorry.'  
'Don't be, just go home and get some rest.'  
'I'll get a taxi.' Tess said.  
'No, Fletch is taking you.' Natalie insisted. Fletch stood and helped Tess up, holding her around the waist and leading her from the room.

Fletch helped Tess into the passenger seat of his car before getting in beside her. Tess clicked her seatbelt into place and Fletch silently did the same and then pulled away from the house, driving down the street.

They had been driving for just five minutes when... 'Fletch, where are we going?' Tess asked.  
'I'm taking you home.' Fletch said.  
'Have you forgotten where I live?'  
'No. We're going the scenic route. I think it's about time we talked.' he said, glancing at her before returning his attention to the road.


End file.
